she misses You too much.. apparently is only getting worse and .. its been a while since last time she was like this... everything has her in tears today... she cant believe how can one love someone so much and hate him at the same time... shes back to not caring about lots of things which she's supposed to care about but she's just not in the mood to deal with it... feels so bad knowing you have to do something but you dont have the strenght to do it anymore.. it became too much.. how is it possible that the One who said he loved you could hurt you this much... she just wants everything to be over with... wants the strenght back... wants to be able to trust completely again.. wants to stop being afraid of someone playing with her again... she wants her life back .. wants her life as it was one month ago... with someone who loved her.. cared for her or pretended he cared...
shes really considering leaving for a while.. as she's not sure she can manage everything correctly and thats not fair to others.. shes afraid she might be able to hurt some of er friends who helped her lots during this whole process and thats last thing she wishes to do.. time will tell...